An Evening With Phillip Glass (Fiction)

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A Evening with Phillip Glass or How My Letter Killed a Cultural Icon

Part 1: The Letter

Dear Phillip Glass,

I know in the past, you and I have had our differences. I am willing to let bygones be bygones, if you are. I have wasted alot of time and effort in carrying a grudge against you. So, if you are willing to let it go, then I am as well.

I would also like to congratulate you on your last symphony. It truly was a magnificent piece of work.

Sincerely,

Jonathon Cox (ASCAP)

PS. On a completely random note, have you seen the movie Unbreakable yet? I think you may find the last bit interesting!! 🙂

(RESPONSE)

Dear Mr. Cox,

GET BENT!!!!

Sincerely,

Phillip Glass

PS. No, I haven’t seen the movie yet. Thanks for the recommendation!

PPS. See above…

… well, not the PS…

… Above that, Jackass!

Part 2: The Realization

(Somewhere in New York City)

Phillip Glass sits in a darkened room with his eyes riveted to his 76″ TV screen, a bowl of forgotten popcorn sits in his lap as he watches the final showdown between the Unbreakable Bruce Willis and the crippled Samuel L Jackson.

“Hmm, decent movie, but I’m not sure what that idiot was on about. The score has too many notes, though!”

The epic final battle ends. As the evil Elijah Prince yells his final lines, the reality of the letter kicks in. He repeats the line to himself…

“I should have known way back when. You know why, David? Because of the kids. They called me Mr. Glass!”

Somewhere, about a foot above his head, a light bulb flips on.

“Wait a minute…

…Mr. Glass?!

That’s me.”

The composer jumps up from his chair, spilling his popcorn, and announces to the world…

“I’M MISTER GLASS!! Muah Haaa Haa haaa!”

“Shut up in there, Phillip!! I’m watching my stories!!”

“Sorry, ma! Hee hee…

…i need to make a phone call…

Part 3: The Event

John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson and Quentin Tarantino are eating breakfast in a restaurant in New York City.

QT: Hey Johnny!

JT: Yeah, Q? See what I did there Sam? Q? Ha! You know… Ha… Sykfall…

Samuel l Jackson stares blankly back at the aging actor.

JT: (clears his throat) What?

QT: Remember when I saved your dead career?

SLJ: Ah come on, Quinton! You said you’d never bring that up. Can’t you let it go?

QT: (in a bad Samuel L Jackson impersonation) No! Because I’m Samuel Jackson. Even as Mace Windu, I speak like I’m from the hood!! Ha, ha, ha…

…classic!”

Sam glares at the director and mumbles to himself as he reaches inside his jacket. Suddenly, the door of the restaurant burst open. In rush two 60 something men dressed all in black. One is Phillip Glass, the other is Randy Newman, who is brandishing a keytar.

PG: Nobody move! This is a holdup!!

RN: Look at me! I’m scoring an action scene! (Starts playing Axel F on the keytar…

…badly)

JT: This seems vaguely familiar.

QT: (pops a piece of egg in his mouth) I saw this in a Scorsese film once!

JT:(under his breath) I knew it!

PG: Please place your wallets, purses and jewelry in this bag please.

Samuel looks around the restaurant. It is completely empty except for the 5 of them.

SLJ: Who the hell you talking to?

RN: Holy Crap, Philly. It’s Samuel L Jackson. Hey Sammy, check it out…

(in an extremely bad Samuel L Jackson voice) I’m Samuel L Jackson. Haven’t you seen my movies? Deep blue sea? A freaking shark ate me! (points at John Travolta) Drink Bitch!!!

I love that show!!

John Travolta bursts into tears.

SLJ: Really. Hold on one second… ( pulls out an old fashioned detonator with a big red button, pushes it, then puts it back on the table)

QT: (looks at Phillip Glass) Hold on a sec…aren’t you Michael Keaton? Sure you are! I’d recognize that hair anywhere.

JT: No way, man. That’s Billy Joel! Come on, sing us a song, Piano Man!!

PG: I AM MISTER GLASS!!

Samuel L Jackson drops his head to the table while Randy Newman puts extra effort into his impersonation of Dave Chapel impersonating Samuel L Jackson.

SLJ: I need a new agent!!!

Part 4: The End…

(Yellow Springs, Ohio)

Dave Chapel wanders the backyard of his home in Ohio, quoting himself.

DC: I’m rich, bitch!! Hee hee!!!

I’m…

Suddenly, Dave Chapel explodes…

The End

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